September 9, 2015

Jesus, You are my Comforter, my helper – my very present help in time of need. You are helping me to push through and face each day. “In God, I make my boast all day long and I will praise Your Name forever.” Psalm 44.  I cannot understand why You allowed this to happen, but, You are my “hope and stay.” I still trust You.

Lord, I feel defeated a lot lately! Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy! Too many thoughts in my head at once. None of them making any sense at all. Sometimes I feel absolutely broken. Like a glass vase, slammed down to the ground with such force, I know it will never will be the same again! I will never be the same! I stand over the pieces of my broken heart, asking, “What just happened?” As I kneel down to see if any part of my heart can be restored, I pray, “O, my Lord, help me do this! I can’t do it alone.” Together, my Lord and I pick up the bigger pieces and hold on tight. These represent my family, friends and dear neighbors who have come alongside us to help in any way they could. Those who pray with us and for us. They, too, are broken, but not shattered, and willing and able to do what they can. The smaller pieces are those most close to me. They want and need to just sit with me. Their very quiet presence brings me comfort. No words are said. None are necessary.

The shattered pieces that are so smashed look like fine powder. These pieces the Lord and I linger over. These pieces hurt the most. They are the pieces of my life that will never be the same again. This part of my life can’t be fixed.  These pieces that has caused unbearable pain and loss. My dear family! Jesus and I work together to glue the bigger and smaller pieces back together, because of course, the Lord is able! I look down at the fine powder of the broken glass. Tears stream down my face yet again. The fine powder crushes my very being the most! At times, it completely overtakes and breaks me! I look into the eyes of my Jesus. He wipes my tears away. He takes my hands and lifts me up.  He whispers to my heart, “Watch Me as I work in your life to restore you and turn these Ashes to Beauty. I work all things together for your good. Trust Me. Trust that I can do this. I will never leave you.”

I bow my head and tell the Lord, “I am brought down to the dust. My body clings to the ground.”  Psalm 44:26. BUT, You are my refuge and strength! An ever-present help in times of trouble. Therefore, I will not fear. God is with me. I will not fall. My Lord is mighty. I will shout it out. “Come and see the works of the Lord.” Psalm 45